Happily Ever After

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking, lately, about the phrase happily ever after…

And they lived happily ever after.

Maybe it’s because this past Saturday I attended my boyfriend’s brothers wedding.  And perhaps it’s also because I’ve been made to think of my own happily ever after.  Dating the best man and brother of the groom gives warrants for those kinds of questions.  So rightfully, I ponder.

I ponder because this phrase seems to have become an expectation from people.  Like there is some underlying dream, like the “American Dream”, that if you meet the right person, follow the right steps in life, and everything goes according to some fairy tale plan, that a happily ever after can be earned.  I’m sure some people even consider this something that can be bought.  However, I don’t think it’s earned, bought, or even stumbled upon by fate or luck or random happenstance.  I think happily ever after lives in the state of mind, and nowhere else.

As someone who suffers from depression, happy doesn’t just happen.  I assume that this is actually the case for everyone.  Happiness is a state of mind.  It’s a chemical cocktail.  It’s a sunny day, hitting all the green lights, being surprised with a clean house.  And even though I know there are chemical triggers, I still believe that much of our emotional states are by choice.  With that being said, I’m not denying the validity of chemical imbalances causing chronic or severe depression.  My only experience is mine, and I’ve been able to fight against depression and win.  Maybe not every day, but overall, I win.

I mention this because I haven’t taken the right steps.  I don’t have the money to buy a happily ever after.  And on occasion, I battle with depression and lose to a gripping feeling that my life is miserable and final.  So my only chance at a happily ever after is that one day, when my time comes, I’ll be able to look back on my life and count my blessings.  Because in the end, all I have control over is my outlook on my own life.  It’s not to be measured in things, or children, or years.  It’s not richly ever after.  It’s not married ever after.  Or with children ever after.   The only measure of happily ever after I need at the end of this life is happy, because that’s the phrase, and only I can measure my happiness.