All names have been changed to keep this blog as anonymous as possible.
While driving away from my boyfriend’s father’s house, I had one of my random thoughts…
… I have always dated men with close-knit families …
First I’ll mention Harvey…
Harvey works alongside his brother and mother. His mother lives and cares for her mother and father. His oldest sister and mother play on a pool league together, and his other sister visits at least once a week for lunch. His father was celebrating father’s day by playing euchre with his sister, which is a common evening pastime.
Before Harvey, there was Victor…
Victor lived on and off with his mother. His mother had weekly, if not more frequent, dinner and lunch dates with his sisters. We often went for drinks with his sisters, and his nieces and nephews grew up with him as a brother.
Even Robert…
He also lived with his mother. His mother had a traditional catholic family with a million brothers and sisters and a million more nieces and nephews. His family came together for holidays, emergencies, birthdays, school events, sports games… any reason was reason enough to get together.
This random thought came to me as we left Harvey’s father and aunt playing euchre to go to the movies with Harvey’s mother and brother.
I recall thinking to myself, I wish I had relationships like this. I wish I had weekly card nights with my sister and her husband. I even wish I had friends that I could call over for nights of fun card games or to share a bottle of wine. I wish I had that familial support, to be able to confide in them, or seek life advice, without needing Hallmark Holiday…
While thinking more on the subject, I can tell you that their mother’s have been strong women, independent, and often the ones raising them the majority of their lives… I suppose this is the nurture side.
I suppose there is no coincidence in the fact that their fathers have been less involved, either by their own choice of the choice of their mothers. I mention this because it points to a nature side of my partners. The father’s have often been removed from their lives due to adultery. My relationships are often ended the same way. And, with Harvey as the exception, the father’s are usually nothing more than a passing thought on days like today, Father’s Day.
So why do I mention this?
My mother lives 1,400 miles away…
…My father lives 140 miles away…
…My sister lives 14 miles away…
And I see and talk to each of them with, roughly, the same frequency… not often.
I don’t have a close-knit family. Relatives are only seen or spoken to on holidays or family emergencies.
I envy the relationships my partner’s have with their families. Even my closest friends have these relationships…
Perhaps it’s me. Perhaps I am an anomaly. Perhaps what I consider a close-knit family is just a family, and mine is the outlier…
… These random thinkings really give me something to think about…
The Life of an Asian 